Today Gorgeous Gorgeous had an explosive nappy whilst we were in the local library. I spent twenty minutes cleaning and changing her (2 layers of clothes and a pram suit!) in the library’s only toilet, whilst a rude, angry old man banged on the door. Despite sticking my head out a few times to explain and apologise he continued to thump on the door without once actually opening his mouth. I mean, as if this mumhood malarkey isn’t stressful enough, there I am literally cleaning up shit on a manky, changing table in a less than clean public loo, giving my poor babe the worlds speediest, most vigorous wet wipe bath (it was in her armpit) of her life because I felt embarrassed, frustrated and under pressure from some mardy old man rattling the door every 10 seconds. Unusually for me, my embarrassed, awkwardness tipped into anger and I lost my shit (pun intended).
I marched out of the loo red faced and angry. I shouted at the grumpy old toad and told him that “as soon as you get in there and lock the door, I’m going to stand out here and rattle and bang the door to see how you like it..” I didn’t do that obviously, but I did stomp through the library, past all the ‘quiet please’ signs, yelling what a rude and obnoxious man he was.
Once I calmed downed, I obviously felt so ashamed of myself. He probably just really needed a wee right? Anyone else get Mum Rage?
Hyperemesis Gravidarum or HG is a little known pregnancy complication. A sufferer (and it is a suffering) has severe nausea, and vomiting, which can lead to weight loss and dehydration. It is more than just morning sickness. It can sometimes last the entire pregnancy (for me until 30 weeks) and affects less than 2% of women. There is no known cause.
I am one of the lucky ones. I only lost weight in the first trimester and suffered severe dehydration once. Some women require hospitalisation a few times throughout their pregnancies and can vomit 30+ times a day. My personal best was 19.
This is a really difficult post for me to write. I don’t want to say it out loud as I am ashamed. In a world in which this Baby is the most hoped, wished, loved and longed for being, there were a few times I found myself wishing that I wasn’t pregnant, wishing it would all just stop.
Whilst I had my head in the toilet for the 20th time, violently vomiting up my stomach lining (i’d not eaten for 48 hours), listening to yet another opinionated, interfering, arsehole ask if I had tried eating a ginger biscuit (ffs!), I can appreciate how persuasive that thought can be. Fortunately for me, HG didn’t become a serious illness. I was a lucky one. For some Mother’s, a decision has to be made for her own physical and mental wellbeing.
I can only touch on my own experience and it’s really challenging to put down in words how much it affected me mentally as well as physically. Instead, I’m going to direct you to a couple of links that helped me during my pregnancy.
I am thankful my poor, vomity body made another beautiful, healthy baby and for that I am full of gratitude and happiness.
It’s been more than 12 months since my last blog post. It turns out that the withdrawal symptoms of a sugar free diet are also the same as early pregnancy symptoms!
In fact, pretty much all of my ‘sugar free’ symptoms are the same as what I experienced whilst pregnant with BV. I was so sure in fact that I took a pregnancy test. It was negative. However, the idea was in my head, I was so sure I was pregnant. I knew the test was wrong. I waited until the following day and I took another test (again negative), in fact I took a test a further 3 more times (all negative!) before the 5th one gave me a very faint positive. I knew it. I was knocked up with no.2.
Mr Intrepid and I were ecstatic. I was ready for it. I was hoping to blog my way through this pregnancy with cute, accuracy of what it is to be pregnant, a week by week growth of this little one. However, the little bean had other ideas. She (yes this one is a girl!) was determined to make me suffer more than BV ever did. I felt like hell.
I fainted all over the place, I had nosebleeds, headaches, sore limbs, and my god I was tired.
I had no energy and I was fucking exhausted. Pregnancy is hard and I had a toddler now this time. 6 weeks in I began to get really unwell. The nausea had kicked in, only this time there was vomiting too. All day and all night long. I was throwing up in carrier bags on my daily commute, in nappy bags whilst changing my son’s nappies, in the shower and once actually in the street. I couldn’t catch a break. I could barely get through the day, there was no way I was blogging about it.
1 year later, on maternity leave, the baby naps are back. Despite popular advice I can’t nap when baby naps (who would hang up the washing?), I am ready to get back on the blogging band wagon. First up, I want to spread awareness of a little know pregnancy condition, Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG).
I love spending all of my days with BV, but with Mr Intrepid working most weekends, and evenings (he runs a pub), it’s an isolated life. I have lots of lovely ‘mum’ friends that I can socialise with, however for these mums, weekends, and holidays are strictly family time. And for me, well, being a stay at home mum is mostly, pretty lonely.
3 weeks ago, I made the (mahoosive) decision to go back to work. I didn’t make it lightly. I hoped to stay at home a bit longer, but mentally I needed to get back in the saddle, so to speak. Although for 3 days at week at work I won’t make any money whatsoever (fingers crossed I break even), I hope this is a smart decision to keep myself in a career (and in a sane mind) and my family warm and fed.
BV spends 2 days with his childminder (whom he adores) and 1 boys day with daddy. Lucky boy. As usual, he has settled in to this new situation better than me. I was nervous about this big step at first, and I miss BV so much, but it is getting easier. I maybe in a job part time, but I am still a full time mum. Work is the easy bit, to be honest. The commute is tough (an hour each way – sometimes longer) and I am so desperate to get home to BV that I have become that person. The crazed wild-eyed commuter, you only see in London. Elbows out, hard faced, and moving so fast you don’t know why they just don’t run all the way home instead? I never thought that person would be me. I climb the walls for that last hour in the office, then i’m flying out of the door. The trains literally aren’t going to go any faster just because I’ve sprinted to get on one, but if I move as quickly as I can, I get to see my boy before he goes to bed…